I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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