Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
