I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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