Where did you get a picture of my penis
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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