Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
