i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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