Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
