stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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