I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
