John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
