Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
