If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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