from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
