I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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