All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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