I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
