my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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