Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
this just has baby written all over it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
