those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize