Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
