He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
