I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize