You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
