R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
