I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
All the doctor said was why
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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