the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
