My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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