I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
