The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
