Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
