Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dick very happy bro
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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