i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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