i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
