..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
