Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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