He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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