So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
