the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize