where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
