Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
