Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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