Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
