the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
