Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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