the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
