You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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