Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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