I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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