You're my little dorito
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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