we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
