Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
