Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
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Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
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I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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