she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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