I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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