Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
