So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
