My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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