I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
