Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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