and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
