Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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