You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
