I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
